


That’s not why I’m here Ben.

by Loga119



Category: Sorted (Website) RPF
Genre: Cheating, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5031637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loga119/pseuds/Loga119
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“That’s not why I’m here Ben.”<br/>“Why not? You’re here to do your job. Can we move on now?”<br/>“No. no we can’t Ben.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	That’s not why I’m here Ben.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is fictional and never happend in real life.

When Mike entered the HQ he was surprised by the silent.

No one was there.

Well, no one but Ben who was stirring something in the testing kitchen, and he was so focused on the thing he was stirring he didn’t even noticed Mike was there.

“Where is everyone?” Mike asked as Ben looked up at him.

“Told them to take a day off.” Ben said shortly, looking back at the pot he was stirring.

“So why am I here?”

“You were away for two weeks and I needed to do a recipe lab.”

“And you chose me to be your lab rat, out of everyone, on your birthday?” Mike raised an eyebrow, “happy birthday by the way.”

“Yes, that’s what I’ve decided. Also, you have videos to edit Lou left you a note.”

“I know what you’re doing Ben.”

“I’m not doing anything but a recipe lab Mike.”

“Yeah right.” Mike said.

“Mike, go and work on those videos and come back when I say so, would you?”

Mike rolled his eyes as he went to his work station and saw a “love letter” from Lou, listing the things that needed to be done.

After an hour he heard Ben calling him, and he knew something was wrong when he saw 3 pots of curry.

“When did you make all of this?”

“Today”

“Are you here from like 7?”

“6”

“Umm… Jamie told me you left at 2am yesterday. Did you have enough sleep?”

“Why do you care?”

“I’m still your friend Ben.” Mike said and sounded hurt.

Ben sighed and shook his head.

“We have three different types of curry” Ben began to say but Mike stopped him.

“Why am I here?”

“To do a recipe lab, I thought we’ve cleared this out.”

“That’s not why I’m here Ben.”

“Why not? You’re here to do your job. Can we move on now?”

“No. no we can’t Ben.”

“Mike, please.” Ben said and when Mike looked at him he saw he was tired. Not just physically.

“Tell me why I’m here, today, with you and no one else.”

“You know why you’re here.”

“Yeah of course I know, but I want you to tell me because you don’t.”

“Or, you can tell me why you think I called you here.”

“Oh ok, we’re doing this now? Fine.” Mike had his hands pressed to the counter because he felt so many emotions at that moment. “You called me here today because you wanted me to feel bad. Because last year we broke up and since then nothing is the same. I could tell you I’m sorry everyday but you won’t forgive me and I don’t expect you to. But can you at least stop pretending like everything is all right when it’s clear that you keep beating yourself for the mistakes I’ve made. I was wrong. I ruined everything. I know that Ben. But we still have to work together until one of us is going to quit and it’s not going to happen soon, and we still need to be around each other because we have the same friends since high school. I’ve made the mistakes. I ruined us. So stop pretending you’re fine with it because you’re not.”

Ben looks at Mike and then at his hands.

“What are you holding in Ben? What are you trying not to say?”

“That’s not the reason I called you here.” Ben said quietly.

“right.” Mike said.

“I called you here…” Ben took a deep breath, “I called you here because you’re the only person I wanted to see today. Even after everything you did, even after you broke my heart, even after we broke up on my birthday, you’re still the only one I want to see. And that’s the problem. You broke my heart. You broke me. But still my fucked up mind wants you. I don’t sleep well. Because every night I dream about you and it tears me apart. I can feel my inside breaking every time I think about you. And I think about you all the time. I can’t get you out of my mind. And you try to avoid situations when we’re both at the same place without anyone else. I called you here to end this. I need an ending to this train wrack that used to be our relationship. I wanted to talk.”

“I don’t think we should have this talk now.”

“So let’s finish tasting the food, head home and make this talk another day. We have three types of curry…”

* * *

 

“He hates me.” Mike said.

“Maybe on the outside.” Barry, on the other side if the phone, replied.

“No Barry, you haven’t seen the look in his eyes.”

“No I haven’t, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not looking.”

“That’s bullshit. He hates me.”

“Mike, all you have to do is knock on his door and tell him how you feel.”

“Yeah like this is easy.”

“You two never were easy…” Barry said.

“Not helping.”

“Just do it Michael. You and I both know you were better when he was a bigger part of your life. So just… go and do it. Deep down, he still loves you.”

“I cheated on him…”

“Yeah because you’re an absolute idiot.”

“Again, not helping.”

“Well you called me. So deal with it. Anyway, where are you now?”

“In front of his house.”

“So go ahead. Knock on the door. Tell him you love him. Tell him you’re sorry. Tell him you know you’re the most pathetic, idiotic and the worst person on planet earth.”

“Wow, thanks for the pep talk mate. I really needed to know how fucked up I am.”

“Mike, just go and do it. Holding back your feelings always led to disasters. So you need to do this. If not for yourself, do it for everyone around you that has to suffer from the mess you make all the time.”

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“Good luck” Barry said and hung up the phone.

Mike took a deep breath and opened the door of his car.

With a matter of seconds he was in front of Ben’s door, his hand hanging in the air.

Another deep breath and he knocked on the door, and then he heard little noises from inside the house.

“What are you doing here?” Ben’s voice broke when he tried not to sound surprised.

“I’m here to talk.”

“Oh, now you want to talk?”

“Ben please” Mike said, almost begging.

“When I want to make this conversation it’s not a good time, but when you want to make it its fine?”

“Ben… just… just let me in so we could talk.”

“I’m not letting you in.”

“So I’ll stay here.” Mike said. “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“I am. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done.”

“You can tell me you’re sorry for the rest of your life. It’s still not a good way to explain why you cheated on me, and why I had to found out on my birthday.”

“It was not supposed to be like this.” Mike whispered as he heard people pass by.

Ben saw them and opened the door so Mike could come in.

“But as soon we’re done talking, you leave.” He said after he closed the door. “Now what do you mean it wasn’t supposed to be like this?”

Mike had to take a breath before unfolding the whole story to ben, telling him things he tried to forget, things he wished weren’t true.

“A couple nights before you’re birthday I was out with friends. And I was drinking, and I got drunk. So when a one guy got closer, I didn’t stop him. When I woke up the morning after, and found myself in a bed I don’t know, I freaked out. I left without leaving anything behind. Well, this was what I thought. Because apparently, he got my phone number somehow, and he started texting me. I ignored all of his messages. But then, on your birthday, he sent me more. And you saw them. And I’m so sorry, Ben. All I keep thinking is, what would have happen if I stayed home with you that night. We could’ve been together for almost two years. I’m sorry I broke you. I’m sorry I’m such an idiot. I am so, so sorry.”

“So what you’re trying to say is that because you were drinking, all of this happened.”

“No, I’m saying that all of this happened because of me. Because I was so happy to get someone’s attention that I forgot that the best thing is waiting for me to show up in his house and tell him about the night out I had with my mates.”

“So, besides breaking my heart even more, why are you here?”

“I’m here to tell you I still love you.”

Ben made an annoyed sound, refusing to believe what he just heard.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ben said and didn’t wait for Mike to answer. “You think you can come here, and tell me why you cheated on me, and then tell me you love me, and then what? You expect me to fall back into your arms? Well bad news. Not gonna happen. If you think I’m going to give you another chance so easily you’re wrong. Because let’s face it, it was easy for you. You were always loved. But when I felt like someone loves me, it was rare. All your life you had ‘one night stands’ and ‘one time things’ but all I had was you. You were the first serious relationship I’ve had and you know that. Yeah I’ve had some boyfriends and girlfriends along the way but you were the first one I felt loved with.” Mike tried to get closer but Ben pushed him. “And if you think you can swoop me into a kiss in the middle of my sentence and I’ll forget all of that you’re dead wrong Mike. I used to love this kind of cheesy-romantic-comedy moves, but I’m over it now. All I want is for you to get out of my head, because nothing is easy when you are the only thing I can think about. I can’t sleep, I can’t cook very well, I can’t film anything because I look like a mess, I can’t live my life. When I first admitted to myself that I love you, I thought it was because your love was so pure and good and easy. But nothing is easy when you’re a part of it. Nothing. I can’t forgive you for what you’ve done. You shattered my heart into million little pieces. It’s useless now. It’s so hard to live like this Mike. So if there’s anything else you want to say, say it now. If not, leave.”

“No one ever loved me like you did.” Mike said quietly “no one ever made me feel what you made me feel. No one ever looked into my eyes and told me how much he loved me. No one, in my whole entire life, has ever loved me like you loved me. There’s not a day I don’t regret the stupid things I’ve done. And the only thing I want is for you to stop looking at me with hate in your eyes. And don’t say you hate me because Barry told me you have no hate in your eyes when you look at me when I’m not noticing.”

“Your point?”

“Please, just give me another chance.”

“No. now leave.”

“I’m not leaving Ben.”

“Mike, leave.” Ben said and tried to hold back tears.

“Not until you tell me if you still love me too.”

Ben laughed, a short and hurt laugh that was followed by tears that were streaming on his checks.

“Isn’t it obvious Mike?” he said and looked at Mike. “I can’t live normally after we broke up and you ask if I still love you. Of course I still love you. Every part of me still loves you and every piece of my heart still wants you back. I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes I see you and realize how much I miss you by my side. I can’t forgive you for cheating on me, but part of me wants to ignore it so we could fix everything. Yes Mike, I still love you. But I can’t help myself from thinking what would happen if I let you in back into my life and you ruin everything again. I want to give you another chance but I also want to tell you to go fuck yourself.”

Mike looked at Ben, who had tears on his face and a broken smile. He realized how much he need this man in his life, not as a friend. How much he loves him and how much he doesn’t want to let him go ever again.

So he took a step closer and held Ben’s face with both hands. He placed a soft kiss on the top of his head and whispered “I’m sorry” and “I love you” over and over again between kissing his forehead, and cheeks and nose.

“Please don’t ruin everything again” Ben said quietly, his voice shaking.

“I won’t. I promise.” Mike said while resting his forehead against Ben’s, and with this words Ben pulled him closer and kissed him like his life was depending on that. Like Mike was the last bit of air. Like the kiss was the only thing that could heal his broken heart and soul.

And it did. Because later, when Ben had his head resting over Mike’s heart, and he was holding Mike’s shirt tightly in the fear that he’s going to leave, he heard Mike whispering “happy birthday” and he smiled, a real smile, and looked into Mike’s eyes that looked so clear even though it was dark, and he felt whole again.

He felt like himself.

 

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!  
> if you enjoyed make sure to check my fanfics blog, sorted-fanfics.tumblr.com  
> ♥


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